When you’re engaged, or a newlywed, everyone tells you that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I am here to tell you that this is bullshit.
EVERY year of marriage is going to be hard, in some way. Once you get past that first year, you don’t say, phew, okay! The hard part is over now! We made it through a whole YEAR.
I love my husband dearly, which should be obvious since we’ve been married for ten years today. But that doesn’t go without saying that we have been through some STUFF.
In our first year of marriage, we lived apart for a few months before finally ending up in the same state because of various Army related commitments. Adam finished three difficult Army schools before we had even been married a full year. Then we moved.
In our second year of marriage, we moved again. And I struggled to find meaningful employment in a state where I didn’t know anyone and wasn’t even sure what I wanted to be when I grew up. I clung to the few Army wives I barely knew, and some of them are now my best and closest friends.
During our third year of marriage, we couldn’t celebrate an anniversary because Adam was in Afghanistan. I don’t even remember if we talked on the phone that day. Probably? I bought and sold a house completely on my own. I somehow managed to keep the place standing too.
In our fourth year of marriage, we moved. Again. And we had a blast living just outside of our nation’s capital. Actually, maybe that year wasn’t so hard. 😉 Except maybe trying to find parking anywhere we couldn’t take public transportation.
But as we approached our fifth anniversary and entered our fifth year of marriage, we decided as a couple that our time in the Army was done. And so began the discussions of what next? Where next? And so we moved…AGAIN. And again I struggled to find meaningful employment, to find my place in our new community.
During our sixth year of marriage, I was pregnant with Ethan. And that was one of the most exciting and also scariest times of our marriage. We were about to become PARENTS. Who decided that was okay?? Weren’t we still just kids ourselves? How were we going to do this?
Year seven came with the struggles of learning to raise a child. We were sleep deprived and short tempered and stressed out. But oh so grateful we had been given the blessing of a healthy and thriving baby.
During the eighth year of our marriage, we moved….AGAIN. We made a decision to move to the fifth state we’d live in together as a married couple. Adam was one of a handful of people in a brand new field office his company was opening in this area. There were risks but also rewards.
During our ninth year of marriage, I lost a ton of weight. I became a more confident person and I hope, a better wife and mom. Ethan grew and changed so much every day. We were constantly wondering if we were making the right decisions as parents. That is a worry that will never go away.
Now we’re on the cusp of year ten. A decade. In this day and age, I feel like we’ve accomplished something. So many people take marriage vows for granted, or don’t believe it’s as serious of a commitment as it is.
No marriage is perfect. Everything is going to be hard sometimes. But if you’ve got the right person by your side, that’s what makes all the difference. Because you go from a newlywed couple to a team, a partnership. You’ve got each other’s back. You learn to roll with the punches, because, oh, there will be punches. And above all, you love each other. You respect each other. And you make each other’s days worth living.
Happy tenth anniversary, Adam. Here’s to the next decade.
Then and Now: